dear diaRY

Recently come to the abrupt realization that my life isn't going anyway, it is not anything close to what I wanted it to be? How can I let my life rot away like that? Whether it's spurred by a mid-life crisis, a near-death experience, a psychedelic epiphany, or a painful separation, a must is needed to change the direction that my life is heading.
Things I Should Do

1. Try to remember what I've always wanted. What did I dream about being and doing? At many points in my lives, when I encounter obstacles, I tend to settle. What have I settled for? What did I give up on when I settled? Not saying I regret what is did but just re-evaluating me again.
2. Be honest with myself. Pretending that my life is great when it's really not is only going to make things worse. Am I? Sure, I've got plenty to be grateful for, but there's nothing wrong with seeking more growth and fulfillment. Trying not to feel that by wanting more, I’m forsaking what I already have.
3. Write down my goals. Where do I want to be in 5 years? 10 years? What do I want to accomplish before you die? Seriously I really don’t know. I know this is bad but I am trying my best. Oh well, we always need to start somewhere don’t we?
4. Consider making a big change. Switch careers, move to a different area, or end a relationship that's bringing me down. Stop my life from becoming one big routine. Easy said that done. Been there, done that, but somehow going out of that zone is so much more difficult than I thought.
5. Expand my comfort zone. Do something that's completely out of character. Shave my head, wear a miniskirt, try karaoke, do a cartwheel barefoot on the grass, etc. Be spontaneous and daring. Even if it has nothing to do with my goals, stepping out of my comfort zone will help me get used to facing my fears, especially people's reactions when I do something they'd never expect you to do. So maybe I should start doing something crazy now.
6. Remember that it is my life to live. I should choose what is best for me but at the same time I have this invisible burden to live up to people expectation. Not saying it is not good, maybe I am weak or I give up easily, but I just can’t deal with pressure in a good way.

Tips I found

* The key is to stay focused on your dreams, no matter how far you may be from accomplishing them. If you don't remember what you want out of life, it's awfully easy to lose your way.
* Focus on what matters the most to you and pursue it unmistakably to the point of being able to grasp only a moment.
* It is better to have experience than not.
* Don't ever think "It's too late," or "I'm too old." It's never too late, and you can never be too old to find happiness. Read Maria Shriver's book "Just Who Will You Be?"
* Visualize yourself as being the way you want to be. See yourself being congratulated, or hugged for what you have done.
* Visualization is very powerful. If done often, it can work.
* Don't hang out with people that bring you down no matter how close to you they are (family, old friends, etc).
* Be patient. Remember that this develops over time. Fluctuations occur throughout the day.
* Soothe and replenish your spirit.
o Quiet your mind. Sit quietly to free and empty your mind of thought.
o Rest frequently. Find a comfortable spot to unwind, relax or take a nap. (My favorite because I am always doing this.)
o Learn to meditate. ( Perhaps daydreaming is a good start. )
o Free yourself of stress and worries.
* Keep everything simple. Try not to do everything at once. There's no rush to do anything. (Taking note.)
* Experience the current moment. Think only of what is at hand. Think less about the past or future. Today is different from the past. (True, True)
* Try not to prejudge. Be open to experience. Let go of bias and expectation. (Am trying.)
* Be happy. Take time to do the things that make you happy. Satisfy your desires. (Oh no, does that mean I need to have more retail therapy?)
* Have pride. You are who you are. Take pride in your individuality. (I do but….)
* Be content. Find contentment in where you are, who you are and what you are doing. (I do, too much more than needed.)
* Take responsibility. Rectify your errors when possible. Relieve your mind. (I hope I did/)
* Be pleasant. Be kind and courteous. It warms your heart as well. (Am I not?)
* See beauty. See the beauty in everyone and everything. (Erm….)
* Fall in love. Fall in love with everyone you meet. Enjoy the spirit in others. (Okay… People.. I’m coming…)
* Take your time. Take the time to experience and enjoy your journey. (Too much time has been taken.)
* Take it easy. Remind yourself that this is for you and nobody else. (sure)
* Be private. Keep this to yourself. Let no one interfere with your inner needs. (A bit hard for me though since I can’t keep things to myself.)

Starting over again, whether if is a result of a divorce or death, or relationship break up, can be painful to experience. Starting again, has caused many a hardship, anxiety, separation or depression. We all, at one time or another, have had to pick ourselves up and start again; even the cause was injury that resulted in changing sports. Once finally accept these changes as a part of life can we once again move forward.

Steps to Take

1. Accept - the fact that changes have to be made in your life. (I want, I need, I must.)
2. Recognize - what caused the changes. (Many things has happen due to the stupidity, negligence, and ignorance of mine, what done is done, what said is said, Now it needs to be let go and move forward.)
3. Meet - others. (Attending socials and not feeling guilty about it. To get on with my life and be happy again. Do I deserve it? Can I do it?)
4. Forgiveness – (It is an essential of from others and myself. The feeling of guilty about things had happen, and to seek that forgiveness from my loved one is a impossible task for me. I want to own up to what I have done completely but I can’t. Am listening to those who are there to help and trying my best to overcome the barriers to my wellness that I have placed in my way.)

Tips I got

• Never say, "I should have done things differently," or "if only I knew." Blame can be like poison in the body. Accept what has happened and go on with your life because you really cannot change a thing.
• Finding a new job or a new sport can be the start of a new life. You may find that it will be the best thing that has happened to you, something you have always wanted to do, but never had the nerve to change.
• Rearrange the furniture. Sometimes the memories of a room or a house can be hard to shake. Take an afternoon and rearrange the furniture, pictures, etc. It will start feeling new and fresh and the memories of your new place will be all yours.
• Spend time with people that make you feel good and make you feel positive. You may find that old friends are bringing you down. Change the patterns and surround yourself with people who make you feel better or encourage your self improvement. Sometimes the best way to start over is to cut out the negatives.

START OVER


If you've started out in pursuit of your goal
And you've really tried with your heart and your soul,
but somehow things got out of control ---
START OVER.

When you've tried your best to do what you should
And you thought this time that you surely would,
But once again, you didn't do good ---
START OVER.

When you've worked so hard to follow a dieter's way
And you fought to win a victory each day
But one more time you went astray ---
START OVER.

When you've tried so hard to yourself to be true
And do the things that you know you should do
But once again you failed to come through ---
START OVER.

When the road to success seemed much too long
And each temptation was oh so strong
And once again you gave in to wrong ---
START OVER.

When you've told your friends what you planned to do
And trusted them to help you through
But soon discovered it's up to you ---
START OVER.

When you know you must be physically fit,
But your hope seems gone and you're stuck in a pit
That's not the time for you to quit ---
START OVER.

When the week seems long and successes few
And at weigh-in time you're feeling blue
Remember tomorrow is just for you ---
START OVER.

To start again means a victory's been won
And starting over again means a race well run
And starting over again proves it can be done
So don't just sit there ---
START OVER.